Prayers that suck

Photo by Erick Morales Oyola on Unsplash

When I pray, it’s almost always for something that I want.

“Lord, heal my family member who is sick.”
“Jesus, may you be glorified during this church service.”
“Father, lay your hand of protection upon me as I travel.”

Those prayers are easy. I’m petitioning God to align with my thoughts and desires. Sometimes those things align with God’s heart as well (be glorified during this church service), but other times I’m assuming it’s God’s desire when instead He may have bigger plans.

I might see a flat tire on a lonely country highway as a failure of God to look after me, but He may have seen that stray cow on the blind corner up ahead. Or He knew that a young couple would stop to help me, and our conversation would be centered on Jesus.

And there’s another type of prayer that I want to focus on today—a prayer that I’ve always had trouble with.

Prayers that I don’t want God to answer.

Let’s turn to Jonah for an example of this. Jonah was a prophet who was told by God to be a voice of warning to the exceedingly sinful city of Nineveh, capital of Assyria and an enemy of Israel.

When Jonah heard God’s call, he was vehemently angry at Him and tried to flee from his calling. The reason why was explained after the city of Nineveh heeded Jonah’s call to repentance and God spared them:

But to Jonah this seemed very wrong, and he became angry. He prayed to the Lord, “Isn’t this what I said, Lord, when I was still at home? That is what I tried to forestall by fleeing to Tarshish. I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity.”
—Jonah 4:1–2

Jonah didn’t want to avoid preaching in Nineveh because he thought it wouldn’t bear fruit. No—he knew that his merciful God would touch their hearts, and Jonah instead wanted his (and Israel’s) enemy to be destroyed.

Lately I’ve had to search my heart for things I’ve avoided praying for, because I didn’t want God to answer those prayers. A perpetual one for me has been asking God to give me a heart for the lost. I know it’s 100% undeniably what God wants for me because that’s His heart and character.

The funny thing is that part of me does actually have a heart for the lost. And another part of me wants that to increase even more. But then there’s another chunk of me that hesitates to pray for it. Because what if God really, really answers my prayers and my heart bursts with an incredible, overflowing love for the lost?

If God does answer that prayer, it will take a lot of my time out of an already busy week. It may lead to uncomfortable conversations, sleepless nights, greater giving, new priorities, and generally moving further out of my comfort zone.

So whatever you do, please don’t pray for me to get the fullness of God’s heart for the lost.

It’s likely to be inconvenient.