My ever changing times with God
Every morning since we arrived in Switzerland I've woken early and headed out for long walks to commune with God. For the last several months it's been dark and cold and the streets are empty and I absolutely love it. We live in the centre of Lausanne, so sometimes I've wandered around the city, other times out into the suburbs or down to the lake, and other times I've made the trek to a nearby forest on a hill overlooking the city.
These quiet times with God were never business as usual, but I can point to a time after Christmas when things changed. I was unsettled and the walks were longer and I often felt like I was wrestling with God. They were torturous weeks of confusion and anguish.
However, my quiet times slowly turned from one of despair to great expectation when I realised that God was revealing a new path for us to walk upon and that this season in Switzerland was much shorter than I had planned for or expected. My intense recent struggles were due to an unwillingness to let go of my own plans and timing, and embrace a new wind of change that was brewing.
When it became clear that re-joining Youth With a Mission (YWAM) was that next season, my walks with the Lord turned to yet another tumultuous few weeks where many things were revealed in me that needed to be uprooted and transformed in preparation for what was to come.
We have less than a week before we depart Lausanne, and the last few quiet times with the Lord have changed yet again.
If you've been on a rollercoaster you'll recognise that at the beginning, as the carriages get slowly pulled up to the pinnacle of the ride, it's time for nervous chatter and laughter and enjoying the view. But as you reach the peak, when you're all faced with an imminent gut wrenching plummet and at the mercy of unknown engineers, builders, ride operators, and raw physics, that a hush falls over the riders, and a collective deep breath is taken.
That's what todays quiet time felt like. No need for much talking, just a time of enjoying the view but also this realisation that Renee and I really will be at the mercy of our wonderful Creator moving forward.
As if on cue, a dozing fluffy Siamese cat came out of the shadows, stretched and wandered over to me. It didn't really want pats or cuddles, but stood next to me and then strolled beside me as I kept walking, occasionally brushing against my leg. Each time I stopped it waited for a bit, then started walking ahead as if to prompt me to keep moving.
God never changes, but there are different seasons in our relationship with him. Don't be discouraged because of times of despair, or tumult or wrestling with Him, or even times of deep silence. God uses each of those moments and he’s right there beside us all the way. Embrace them. Keep moving.
As I mentioned recently to a good friend that was going through a similar experience. God doesn't mind if you're wrestling and fighting with him, just as long as deep down you acknowledge that you don't really want to win.